I think now more than ever this topic needs to be addressed, as it has become pertinent to the climate and culture of our gym and perhaps others as well. That is not to say that all will agree with me; many coaches with more experience than I may have a conflicting opinion, which is fine. I think that there is a fundamental lack of understanding of the difference between a coach and a friend, outside of the dictionary definition. If you were to ask 10 people to define what a coach is, you would likely get 10 different answers with some common themes. We know that a coach is a teacher and an instructor centered on some sort of athletics or training. We can agree that the role of coach is more than just an instructor of sport, as a coach can easily become a confidant and trusted advisor. A coach  is also frequently in the position of advising the athlete on things well outside of their scope of practice. When I took on the job of coach at Outlier CrossFit, I did not realize that I was going to be stepping into a new world . . . that of coach and councilor. I quickly learned that I had to find a balance and sensitivity between coach and friend.

When I coach an athlete, CrossFitter, or body builder I objectively approach them in the same way. When someone asks me or tells me that they wish to achieve a goal, I take them at their word and treat them no differently than I would an elite athlete, Army Ranger, or I would if Achilles himself walked in and asked for training. I hold my clients up to this standard even when it is a standard to which they do not hold themselves. This often puts me at odds with their ego, feelings, or work ethic (perhaps lack thereof) in my efforts to help them reach the goal they desire. The enforcement of these standards is in the realm of the coach (not the friend) and often takes the coach into the realm of being the bad guy (at least it should if you care about your client). I care enough to not put up with your whining. I will call you out when you give me half your effort, tell me you haven’t had a meal in 12 hrs, or when you complain about not getting results but have only had 10 hours sleep in the last 2 days. I am not here to train your ego, I am here to get you to your goal whether you like it or not. A coach will tell you the hard truths, will not sugar coat comments or answers, and will not give undeserved reward. As your coach I will teach you about self-respect, hard work, delayed gratification, and the value of conquering your own doubts and fears. The last point being the most important; doubt and fear will hold you back more than any lack of nutrition or rest and I have to be the bad guy to help you defeat these things. If you doubt yourself on a lift or are afraid of the bar, the best program in the world cannot free you of those limitations. Freedom only comes from a coach who cares enough to snap you out of it, to grab you by the scruff of the neck and tell you to pull your head out of your ass and attack the bar.

The other role of coach as a friend is the opposite side of the coin. When an athlete brings their life stresses into the gym, they wear it on their sleeve and it shows in their lifts. Snatching your 95% becomes incredibly difficult when you have ten other things on your mind. Coach steps in to ask what the hell is going on, and depending on the answer friend takes over. If the issue is something like job stress or my athlete woke up on the wrong side of the bed, then coach is there to kick them in the ass. But, when it is something deeper than that, the athlete needs another approach to get them to focus on the work. At times I have had to pull athletes aside and dig a little deeper into what’s going on in their heads. This is a time to listen and relieve the athlete of their burden, and unless requested, not give unsolicited advice. I am not a psychiatrist and I am not a life coach, but I also care immensely about the athletes I coach and will do what I have to in order to uphold the trust they place in me. If a hug and a smile shakes them out of their funk then it’s an easy day. Sometimes it’s more serious and it takes a friend to tell that athlete that real life comes first, that this is just exercise, and maybe they need to go home from the gym to work it out and come back another day ready to train. Lifting should be fun and not a cause of stress. However, it can be extremely stressful when life hands you a swift kick in the junk and it’s the 1 RM day you have been prepping for over the last month or two.

Coaches, do not do your athletes a disservice by being afraid to bruise their egos. It is more disrespectful to patronize and sugar coat then it is to make the hard corrections they need to get better. They may dislike you for the rest of that session, but they will thank you for it in the long haul when they improve. When an athlete steps into the gym and is not ready to train because they have had one almond and a 20 min power nap in the last 2 days, tell them to get the hell out of the gym. It’s in their best interest, although it may be counter to what they want (ego). Ask them how they are doing, and observe them closely when they walk in and when they lift. You may discover that their poor performance is deeper than superficial reasons. Step in and help them and you will have a loyal, motivated athlete in the future. None of this is rocket science nor is it new information, yet these are hard lessons that I have learned from experience and that are not truly understood until you face them.

–        Mike B.